babes, glitz, impossibly tight bodies, kanye….yep, last night i tuned in to the fant-a-bu-wow victoria’s secret fashion show. sitting in my lulu’s, armed with pita chips and nutella (yes, pita chips and nutella, i was on the elliptical for an hour and a freakin half okay !), watching flawless supermodels waltz down the runway in magical lingerie, my body confidence level was like, at an all time high .. nawt . there was that moment of false hope, and i quote, when one vs babe said “girls dream of being a vs supermodel..theres a girl/girls who are watching right now and will one day become one .” i was all ohmygosh! yes ! i can SO one day be able to walk down the runway in lingerie i seriously wish i could wear in everyday life ! but then legit a mili second later, looking down at my non 5’10 body (5’4) , some actual meat on my bones, i realized : nahhh- my career would be over by age 25, and then id eat myself fat after 5 yrs of a diet of water, no ice and a cube of feta cheese per day.  the pita chips and nutella can keep on coming please ! 

you know those lovely, completely out of this world, awesome judgemental people who seemingly have long sticks with lots of prickly twigs stuck up their asses , and think their a mixture of oprah and the dali lama with a sprinkle of the pope ? (not to derogate those three, but lets get real, NO ONE’S them) . well, alas, one of those kind works alongside me . semi long story semi short : girl is judgemental about everything . girl thinks her coo coo way of life should be put upon others . girl is psycho about food, weight etc . girl tells ingrid she needs to lose weight . ingrid thinks “thanks youdumbbitchnooneaskedyouyouropiniononmynormallookingbodygetnewhairyourshoesare  uglyidespiseyourface” while eating timbits. (i was actually just shocked and walked away-people had my back though, hurrah ! ) whats uber neat about this little story is that i kinda really actually like life and indulging and waving my hands in the air like i just dont care, and she basically acts like the president of the no fun club . no, shes god of the no fun club . morale of the story: sexy-svelte-ilikelife ingrid = 10 gazillion , and ‘im the same size as ingrid but eat one almond a day because im a food nazi and i think im ruler of the world’ biznatch = -20 infinity . oh, i also wish i bought the most darling sweater dress from AA a few days ago .. it’s now on my to do list . 

this tuesday (as in this day), was most definitely, without a doubt, an ‘oh mon dieu! why am i ingrid’ days . it was jam packed with those little head smack -please stop embarrassing yourself-no honestly stop-moments. little taste testers :

waiting awkwardly in silence for coffee to be made with a co-worker, i turn to him and say (god why) “soo, i wonder how many people picked these beans to make this pot”

making small talk about movies “if i were to be a movie id make sure my theme song would be a mixture of Lady Gaga with hints of MGMT and a double whammy of Uffie”-yeahhhhh. blank stares all around.

told a customer that we most definitely do not sell that product. turns out that we most certainly definitely do.

may have also complimented the new haircut my kind of hot boss had-well obviously he didn’t have a new haircut . such a smooth talker i am .

basically i was set up for failure today. at least i have pretty rad modern day hippy-street chic outfits going for me . at least . ah merde .

discussing the extent of my little ‘angelic’ 15 year old sista’s hangover saturday, the realization that its about time she learn the sacred rules of the wolfpack came upon me and chan. viv-or anyone else who comes alive in the night time-a set of rules to live by:

1. never leave the pack.2.drinks are always on you, unless you bring your debit-which brings us to rule 3. never bring your debit. 4.beware of the ‘i live in tuxedo’ douche bag…or any part of any city-no one cares. 5.numba 4 may be a dbag, but Johnny g food, or any satisfying apres bar food on him is always welcome. 6.if you end up in the dj booth, dont touch his shit-its expensive. 7.exactly #6, learn when to stop, unless, when in doubt, lie and say youre a dj at the other big club-fool proof. 8.never, ever, stand in regular line-its for minions.9.be a balla, you know the entire staff, not to mention the life supply of vip cards bartenders give out to you. 10.befriend the bacholerette party-they like to party, and guaranteed free shots..which leads to 11. continuing on with free vip booth, temp. bar friends, and getting photographed.12. befriending the photographer leads to befriending bartenders, which leads to free drinks and free shots all night. and being served 1st. enough said. 13. with the free shots and dranks, comes pure shenanigans in 2.5 seconds. 14.beware of ANY party favours, it leads to pure bod nights where youre dunzo. 15. a good point to the previous rule-that could lead to ditching your bff for who knows what.

use these rules at your own risk and enjoy !

i’m really no fan of the losers of hollywood, but seeing how everybody’s facebook statuses, bbm, statuses, the news, etc. are all ‘charlie sheen like’, i’ve decided to go through my favourite train wrecks in the past. mostly cause they still look so cool while doing it, and mostly cause i’m just so bored.

oh kate, i still love you .

no one pulls the hot mess look better than you .

you may be a stick, but i still wish i had your stellar wardrobe .

i personally like this picture . however, trainwrecks .

naomi . throws shit at people, gets arrested, still looks great .

my future knight in shining armour (aka armour being rad style clothing) is still lost at sea out in the world. so far, no luck with any boys. thus coming up with a list of what i’ve learnt of the types of boys i’ve encountered :

1) snowboard boy-great style,quirky sense of humour,laid back. what makes him a no go? he’s like a loveable dog-his attention deserts you the minute he gets his new shining toy. maybe he’ll come back to you cause your still fun to play with.

2) muscley/roided up boy-can be charming, has an arrogant cockiness you can’t avoid, may have been hot at one point in time. what makes him a no go? the roids make him a tad on the spaz attack craziness. also loves to take advantage of ..ahem..a disadvantage situation of yours. also has guido style and is a douche. nuff said.

3) the musician boy-has decent style, can be quite babe-a-licious, is a great flirty conversationalist. what makes him a no go? his charm is his downfall; he uses it to every gal he meets, therefore having every gal he meets. also has a hint of annoying cockiness.

4) the soulful skater boy-cute,easy to talk to,sick style,loves having your attention. what makes him a no go? stage.5.clinger. does NOT know how to hold a conversation via technology, which btw, rules our modern world. can potentially annoy the shit out of you.

5) the ‘has something sexy about him’ tatted up guy-great to talk to, sexy-obvi, usually the one to make the first move, and has a seemingly nice boy personality. what makes him a no go? when you least expect it, drops all contact from you, leaving you in heartbreak. probably a huge playa playa, with a gf on the side.to sum up ; douche.

6) the ‘everything else, i just kinda like him don’t know why’ boy-realitively okay looking, will give you time of day for awhile. why he’s a no go? this type of boy is not for you. he’s a stand in for the type of boy you like. you will lose contact with him, guaranteed. you may have a crush on him, but he doesn’t on you. potentially may make out with him one time only.

to sum up, none of these boys are stellar ‘ill be there for you’ boys. but they’re good toys to have while mr. right is searching for you..aka moi. however, if david beckham or johnny depp get tired of their lovely, gorgeous wives, ill be waiting ! 

an odd occurrence happened to me just the other day ; i realized that the year 2011 is the year i mature into 20, and can no longer qualify to be a ‘teen’. well, in that moment, i may have had some sort of epiphany (okay, maybe just a mildly shocked/interested few minutes..er…seconds). anyhow, due to recent events, ive made a mental list of ‘ingrid’s form of soul searching’, or rather things i will immerse myself in, and stop doing my ‘immature teen’ things (which will be listed below my ‘new me’ list) :

-eat more sushi, and always use chopsticks-get lost in the pages of vogue and daydream of the outfits i will one day have-vintage hunt more-start reading the newyork times (im going to be a big shot writer, might as well start reading what the bigshots have to say)-infinitive will power-maybe try some yoga (it’ll go good with my ‘soul searching’)-have impeccable memory-nice boys finish first.

no more for ingrid: 

-vulnerability-douche bags-having zero memory, aka losing the motto ‘if i dont remember, it never happened’-unrealistic dreaming-naivety-stealing the garlic toast from bp (mmm, might be hard, everyone does it)-checking my beloved blackberry every moment (ill make it every other moment)-no more procrastination-and definitely stop biting my nails.

i plan on sticking to this new out look i have set for myself, and will live by my new motto ; namaste bitches .

montreal is a city that you’d expect an adventure seeking gal like me to prosper and have the most tantalizing stories to tell. shockingly enough, my recent 10 day trip to la grande ville was more of a blunder than a fun filled adventure. i pictured myself roaming the busy streets, entering the raddest shops, meeting a french cutie in a cozy cafe, bar hopping all night, feasting on exquisite food, and seeing a past summer ‘has potential’. instead, i found myself glued to my fam, eating about 10 gazillion christmas meals (ok, maybe about 9), and that ‘has potential’ ? well, lets just say he is a huge has been of my reckless past and hope he stays there forever. coming home looked quite exciting to me at this point. needless to say, the trip was not all gloom and doom. i found some very very nice goodies in excellent shops, i endulged in some fantastic wine, ate some sushi, saw glorious mountains, and alas, had 2 shots of flaming zambuka! i vow my next trip to be that original picture i had painted for myself, alongside with my friends, and some more wine. cheers !